In another life
by Lovina Knez
Summary: Tony is alone- and drunk. Memories of him and Pepper are hunting his mind.


Pepper smiled at him. A few reddish curls escaped her neatly made updo and framed her face perfectly. She was so beautiful. Her smile reached up to her eyes. Blue orbs were shining lovingly. Bright lights of the ballroom reflected in them like the stars that fell into a turquoise river.

They were dancing. Tony held her close and tight like he would never let her go. Warm bliss was overwhelming his heart. Music flowed around them and their feet moved on their own. They didn't feel the marble ground beneath. Music stopped, but their hands didn't let go. Tony still stared at Pepper. Her breath was uneven and her cheeks warm pink from the dance. Smile was still playing in the corners of her soft rosy lips. She looked so happy.

...

Tony wanted to smash the glass in his hand. Or maybe the bottle. Or maybe everything. It didn't matter. He couldn't erase the memories. No matter how much he drank. They kept coming back. What seemed so long ago was flashing right in front of his eyes, every time he was alone- even, if just for a moment.

...

"Tony! Give me the phone."

"Why?" He smirked while still filming her.

"I just woke up. I look like crap."

Her hair was a mess. Almost all her hair-locks had slipped from what used to be a bun. On her cheek were red lines from the pillow. She was wearing an old grey T-shirt with something printed on it and one of the Tony's sweatpants that were totally too big for her. She looked angry. And so cute.

She tried to cover the phone's camera but Tony backed away from her reach.

"You're adorable."

"Hey! Stop it!" There was a hint of amusement behind her angry voice. She pretended to be mad at him but a brief smile that crossed her lips gave her away.

"Nope." He laughed and stopped walking backwards when he hit the couch. He looked over the phone into her angry bambi eyes. "Only, if you give me a kiss." He smirked.

"No. You don't deserve it." She tried to sound angry and annoyed but sparkles in her eyes told him differently.

"Aw… Come on. I know you want to." He lifted one eyebrow and a smug grin spread across his face. Then he made kissy lips at her and teased her jokingly. "Kissy, kissy, kissy. Please give me a kiss Pep. Just one small little kiss. I promise I will be a good boy."

Of course Pepper didn't believe Tony's pretended innocence but she couldn't help but to laugh a little.

At first she gave him just a quick peck on the lips. He smiled and pulled her closer. The phone ended up on the couch behind him. His warm hands wrapped around her waist and drew her into dep affectionate kiss.

...

Tony's head rested in his arms. He wanted to scream. He wanted to punch something, preferably himself. But he couldn't move. He sat on the couch. One empty bottle was standing on the coffee-table, one was lying on the soft white carpet that was covering the floor and one still half-full was placed in front of him.

His body was completely still, but his mind was not. It ran through the foggy darkness, leaping from one image from the past to another. It was like a nightmare covered up by sweet dreams. Joyful memories were now soaked by bitterness and regret, causing nothing but pain.

He missed her.

...

Steady rain was falling through the cold night air. The sound of drops hitting the car roof echoed peacefully. They left New York in the early evening, but the plane only landed in Los Angeles something after midnight.

Pepper sat in the passenger seat, looking out of the window. It was cold and rain drops were hitting the glass. She was still wearing dark blue sweater she had on the plane but now she also put on Tony's jacket. Her figure looked soft and fragile in the dim shadows of the car.

"I don't like rain," She sight and leaned back. Her eyes closed.

...

Tony stood up. His legs carried him to the window. It was the night but the city wasn't asleep. Up here Tony couldn't hear the cars but he could see their lights. Red, orange, yellow they were dancing down there, so far away he wasn't even sure they were real. It was so lonely up here. He was at the top of the world, looking from the tower down on the rest of the world. It should make him feel like a king, but no. His crown was broken, his heart shattered.

Tony leaned on the glass. The liquor blurred his mind and the lights seemed closer. He wanted to reach through the window and touch them. He looked down. If there wouldn't be glass it would just took him on step. One little step and he would fall into the warm embrace of the lights beneath.

...

"Open it."

"Oh, the tennis racquet, 62 nylons and the golden coffee cup weren't enough?" Pepper tried to suppress a grin, her tone teasing.

She took the box he gave her and tore the shining red and gold paper apart. When she opened it some kind of confetti and glittering sparks flew out, right into her face. She just glared at Tony. He was still smirking like nothing had happened and nodded to her to look inside the box.

She looked down and found a small velvet jewellery case inside. She took it out. Her eyes became even bigger than usual and she slightly gasped in awe when she opened it. On the smooth red fabric was lying a simple round pendant made from light blue glass and silver. It looked like a small arc reactor.

"I give you my heart." Tony said the words that were written with his handwriting on the paper beside it.

Pepper lifted her head and looked at him. Her eyes were glowing with affection and love.

...

Tony clenched his fist and shut his eyes. He rested his head on the cold surface of the window and small angry tears gathered in corners of his lids.

...

"Tony, stop. Please. You put yourself in danger every day and I have to just sit here and watch." Her voice was angry but her eyes sad.

"I have to protect them Pepper."

...

He pushed himself back, away from the window and just stood there. Hot tears were now streaming down his cheeks.

...

"You almost died Tony- and not just once. You have nightmares and anxiety attacks. I don't know how to help you. You shut yourself in the basement and fix your armours all days. And-and then you go out there and almost die again."

"The world needs Iron man."

"No. You need Iron man."

...

Tony threw his head back and screamed. His broken voice echoed in the empty room. He created a suit to help people, to save them - but he couldn't save himself. He became obsessed. The armour wasn't just a machine; it became a part of him. He couldn't stop. He needed to be Iron man like he needed the air. Just that this air was toxic and it poisoned his life. It destroyed it.

Tony ran towards the stairs. His mind was foggy from the liquor and his legs heavy. He started slowly walking down, leaning on the wall. He could barely see through his teary eyes. Anger blinded his judgment. He just wanted to destroy it. He wanted to destroy the only thing he had left- the thing that destroyed his life. The thing, Pepper left because off.

...

"I can't do this anymore, Tony."

...

He came to the bottom of the stairs and stumbled towards his suits.

...

"I'm sorry."

...

Why was she sorry? It was his fault. He was the one that pushed her away, the one that wouldn't give up a toy for her.

Tony picked up a crowbar. Cool metal send shivers up his arm and its weight felt good in his grip. He lifted it…

...

"I'm leaving."

...

…but he couldn't bring himself to strike. He stared at the black slots on his armour's mask. His shaky legs couldn't hold him anymore and he collapsed to his knees.

He missed her. Maybe if he would destroy the suits and promised her that he would never play a hero again…maybe then she would come back. He wanted her to come back.

But he knew that wasn't possible. He couldn't destroy the armour. This was his life, if he liked it or not. People needed Iron man.

"Maybe," he whispered to himself when he slowly closed his eyes "maybe in another life."


End file.
